on competition

| thinking on the concept of competition in music has always been a catch 22 - musically, i was born and bred in competition, with a strong marching band background and a host of drum corps teachers (and champions) to push me through those competitions - i always felt like competitions, or the experience of those days, added a great deal to my experience as a growing musician - later down the line, i was torn between the competitive spirit i grew up in, and the al inclusive pedagogical environment i suddenly found myself in once i entered college - with the understanding that my university was not the competitive type of institution that other music schools were, i nevertheless advocated for competition praising it’s merits and benefits |

| this idea of excellence through achievement is something that still bothers me to a certain extent, because i’ve seen how it breeds some of the most toxic musical mentalities - this is something i hate, is the culture around competition and the competitive nature around it, which i recognize is a bit of an oxymoron - but there is something to be said about the people at the competitions that i’ve met that rise above that and are just there to express themselves and their music - this is an approach i enjoy, and i strive to take when i prepare for competitions - i enter competitions not of the hopes to win, necessarily, but to give myself and added goal to strive for - a goal gives me direction, and more importantly focus; without focus, i am terrible at practicing - i meander, i explore, i compose, which are all well and good, but when my more fundamental musical training needs to be improved upon, i look to competitions and the like for focus |

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